People are strange, when you're a stranger.

There is this strange character named Nick on an discussion board I frequent & sometimes I have a hard time believing that he is a real person rather than, well, just a character. I've cut & pasted, AKA "stolen", a few of his stories to post here, because I find them so weird that it is both perplexing, humorous and very strange to me. I wonder if it is all for real, or if he just makes it all up. I kinda hope its all fictional, but sometimes truth has a way of being stranger than fiction, doesn't it?

I probably could have/should have broken this up into several bite-sized, more easily digestible posts, but whatever...

Enjoy, Nick in all his creepy glory!

-

"once my brother and i were playing baseball against my sister and her friend, like a modified two-on-two baseball, and they were both kind of chubby, and when they started beating us my brother and i got mad and started chanting "weight watchers!" at both of them until they started crying."

"once when i was 17 i had an online girlfriend who was hispanic! and she internet-dumped me when she found out i was cybering this other girl in a private chat in an X-Files chat room!

FUN FACT: the girl i was cybering had some leg condition and walked with a cane! lol"

"another internet girlfriend story: when i was 19 i think i met a girl on PowWow chat who lived in a town just like a half-hour away from me, and we agreed to meet at a Walmart (lol). her dad and brother drove her there in an old truck! she had a perfect body but a giant cleft lip. we went to a park and sat on the swings and made awkward conversation. then i dropped her back off at Walmart and got the hell out of there. a few months later she recorded a Smashing Pumpkins interview on the radio 'cause she knew i liked them and sent it to me in the mail with a really nice letter asking to see me again. i listened to the tape a lot but never got back in touch with her."

"one that's really long but here's just the gist of it: when we first got AOL when i was 16 i convinced a 42 year old Bostonian woman in a hockey chat room that i was a 25 year old photographer from Chicago with terminal cancer mostly just so i could vent about my troubles in a more pitiable guise than an acne-ridden 16 year old and i had her going for like three months until she tried to contact the hospital i wasn't staying at"

"also when i was 16 and acne ridden and afraid of real life girls, i met Vanessa in that WBS X-Files chat room. she was 16 also and had a 14 year old sister who also chatted in the same chat room but at a different computer at home. once Vanessa (who was super hot but would always talk about colorguard and dance and it bored the shit out of me) logged on and found me and Heidi (the sister) cybering out in the open 'cause no one else was in the room and she dressed me down and told me she wished she never sent me the VHS tape of her performing colorguard and dance routines and told her sister she was gonna tell their parents and i was so afraid i'd get in huge trouble for cybering a 14 year old but nothing ever came of it."

"i went to Ann Arbor to visit my Hispanic internet girlfriend who was a freshman at the University of Michigan while i was still in high school and i had a hotel room my dad got me 'cause i think he wanted me to lose my virginity already and was ashamed of me lol . so we were fooling around and it was all very clumsy and i remember at one point trying to give her oral sex and she had a huge bush and it smelled like b.o.! and when she went down on me she kept on squeezing my balls too hard and i couldn't come 'cause of it so i started crying! she held me in her arms and sang a song! lol then we watched Beavis and Butthead on MTV for the rest of the night 'cause they had a marathon on. it was like a couple weeks later when she broke up with me for cheating on her by cybering with the girl with the cane. "

"here's a random one: this girl i'd been chatting with in the WBS X-Files chat room since i was like 16 or so wanted to meet me when she got accepted into the University of Minnesota. at the time i think i was a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin- Stevens Point. i was never really attracted to her and just considered her a friend 'cause in the pics she sent me she looked rather homely and had no curves or boobs. anyway she must have had a really late growth spurt 'cause when i visited her dorm she was really curvy and had like d-cups! i was thinking like "SCORE!" so we got really drunk with her friends the first night and we started making out and saying "i've always been in love with you". we were 2drunk2fuck but i gave her a huge hiccy (sp?) on her neck and the next morning i embarrassed myself by asking really loud in front of everyone "how did you hurt your neck?" 'cause i didn't know what it was. the second night we were smoking outside and this short but morbidly obese black student with Don King hair approaches her and they start fighting 'cause apparently he had a crush on her and she kept on looking at me to defend her honor but i couldn't stop staring at his hair and later that night one of her friends told me that when he shits the back of the toilet seat gets all smeared 'cause his ass is so fat the hole gets pushed way to the back of the seat and makes contact! the second night we got really drunk again and i ended up lying on my back about to pass out with the internet girl on one side of me and her friend on the other side and for some reason they both had their pants off and i started fingerbanging both of them with my eyes closed and internet girl started crying! (i think i've told that part of the story here before). the next day i left before anyone woke up 'cause i didn't know how to deal with the situation and later, no joke, the girl's mom sent me an angry letter!"

"well Alexis was a girlfriend i met irl! she was a friend of this other girl who was into me (and had manic depression and really rough palms). she had a lot of weird hang ups and her father took a really prurient interest in her sex life. she's the girl who had period sex with me and picked the clumps of bloody flesh out of our mingled pubic hair and rubbed it into her skin. she also could not poop in any house other than her own. she would have horrible abdominal pains and i'd have to drive her home now and then just so she could go. we'd joke about me having the problem of going too much, and she having backed up poop anxiety. she also had a weird hole between her boobs where a breast plate should have been, got off on putting her hair in pigtails and talking like an adolescent child during sex... what else... oh i took it really well when she broke up with me: one night i called her house (she still lived with her parents) at like 3 AM and just screamed into the phone when she answered and then hung up and she called the cops and they sent a car to my house and i was like "oh shit act sober" and i think i convinced them my cat stepped on my cell phone."

"oh and once another girl i was into in the X-Files chatroom was Canadian and told me she was bi and we'd cyber but her girlfriend didn't like me 'cause i'm an Aquarius (seriously i was told that's why she didn't like me even though i cybered with her girlfriend) and i once i was on the phone with her and said girlfriend walked in and they started fighting about her being on the phone with me and i felt so cool having two lesbians fighting about me until i realized how pathetic it all really was"